October 15, 2007 - Monday
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I can't believe I didn't listen to her...why didn't I listen?? I never thought things would turn out this way....wasting away on the ocean like this.....I truly did Love her!! I remember the long walks on the beach...holding her hand.....we were as one....She would always tell me that no matter what she would be there for me.....I stare into this mirror and I can't imagine my life without her....everyone else is dead only i alone survive....never mind how I got into this mess I have to survive...I just can't let go....too much has to be done....too much has to be said...if only I could go back....i would have said all the things i should have, done all the things i should have....but life is never that simple....my body is wasting away ...I'm sooo hungry!!! I can still see her face.....seven days no food, no water and I can still see her face.....I want to give up but It's not my time....I still see her face...her ong auburn hair...those potty lips.....beautiful blue eyes.....that smile that lights up a room when it's shown.....I wonder what she's thinking.....i wonder what she's doing...i should have listened to her...she told me not to go on this trip but I told her I'd be back...only 2 days........only???!! My heads spinning.....my body's aching....I can smell her perfume...I love the scent...I always smell her hair....can't help it....it always turned me on....her scent when she was next to me....when we would lay in bed....it's the little things you think of when you know you might die......God I wish I had listened....I wish I wish I wish......I just.....want things the way they were....7 days ago....hmmmmmm.....the tears start trickling down now...good thing no ones around to see this....didn't think i even had any fluid to produce......It's over and I'll never be able to tell her how much she meant to me.....Never....this is where I belong....a raft in the middle of the ocean.....this is how my heart feels....empty and alone.....should have listened but I didn't....and now i will die alone....... |
cold 
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