Thoughts!!! (Read if Bored)

So alot of things have been going on..haven't written on here in awhile so thought I would get my thoughts out. Been depressed over the past couple of weeks. What's new right? lol Well lets see...I won the Pan Ams back in late march...triumph of it's own but then a week later I got my black belt! I was happy till my ex tells me she is moving to dallas in july. She's one of my closest friends who's a female. It sucks but at the same time I'm happy for her! I've decided to try and do some fitness competitions...Physique competiting...my boy Sam talked me into it. Never thought I'd do anything like that because I always saw it as stupid...but you know I thought martial arts and modeling were stupid too...it's something new that I've never done...who knows I might like it and do alot more...besides It's a challenge so Lets GO! This year is turning out not as I expected...people that I thought I'd be close to I don't even talk to..people who I wasn't friends with I'm now close to...old friends I don't really speak to as much. DAM! These days not alot surprises me...women are the biggest game players around..they say men play games but that's not true...guys say what they want...women just like to play mind games...bored with their lives I guess...I'm not the type that gets depressed over a female unless it's someone I consider a friend then it's mostly because of that fact...I'm quick to delete someone's number...funny thing is when I do they start texting...and then they get butt hurt because I deleted them...STUPID! My birthday is coming up in June...last year was cool..I got to spend it with some good friends...this year not sure what i'll do for it?? I thought about throwing a PROJECT X party...yeah fuck some shit up!!! HAHAHHAHA Maybe..we'll see.....or just kick it with some close friends again? Not sure...went to the VA last week..met with my physician...he asked me some questions..upon me being honest he started getting worried and was trying to get me back on antidepressants and talking to a shrink...good thing I came to my senses and started making shit up...see people don't want to hear the truth...only lies....the world is a big lie...It truly is...everyone is out to screw everyone...and the worst ones are the ones who say they don't mean to....Insane! Alright it's a Fucking Monday..so that means I gotta do some work...photoshoot sunday....should be fun.


The Black Spiderman
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Thoughts!!!! (Read If Bored)

Haven't written a blog in awhile so thought I'd write something... so there's two weeks before the Pan ams... I have 2 weeks of hard training.. this is probably by far the first year that I feel as though I could win my division...alot of people who don't compete don't realize how hard it is to even win a match! Let alone winning your division. You have another guy who you don't know from squat who's been training his ass off to beat you down... as hard as you're training if not harder...taking supplements... and for those that take steriods...and shit like that good luck cause I'm still gonna beat you! I don't take any of that shit.. just a protein shake in the morning or else I couldn't function through Johannes's workouts...HAHAHAAH... anyways I'm ready!! Alot's been going on... work is draining... I feel like I'm responsible for the business's but without the pay lol.... anything goes wrong I'm the one that gets called to figure out how to fix it..draining...I hate work... I need a job to pay some one to do my work for me....lol... Ok so I decided Fuck acting... I quit the classes... paid half up front but don't really care because it's not for me... I fid that I'm in a rut...same bullshit as people same bullshit as problems.. I don't feel anything...just going through the motions.... I over think everything so probably the reason why I'm single... I get told that I think I know everything..."I'm always Right"... Fuck I hate that... you know It's usually people who don't know my past or my interactions with friends and family... growing up I was the guy that was lazy...unreliable... didn't give a shit about helping anyone and those opinions I did have the only people I would talk about it with would be Christian or Saad... since the millitary I've become the one that people confide it... come to when they have problems... why I don't know since I'm the MOST Fucked up person but I guess maybe I look like I am the  type that won't judge?? I don't know... but if I hear someone tell me I seem like a know it all one more time I'm gonna scream....HAHAHAHHAAH.... I need to do a video blog... Gonna get a new camera soon... doing research on a good brand. Where do one legged gilrs work at?   IHOP.....HAHAHAHhA... I need some drugs... maybe that'll make my life more interesting... the more fucked up i am the less I will give a Fuck... Anyways mad propps to Charlie Sheen... He's Fucked up... Live your life till you die!!!!

The Black Spiderman